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First thing you have to understand as a thinker is, logic has little or no space in romance especially when you are with a feeler. Once you know that as a thinker, half of the hurdle is solved.

A friend, I suppose an INTJ said he would like to test a girl he likes, they're already dating. I told this guy, when you're passionate about something you don't use it as a trial and error. This is a relationship not a laboratory, he followed his head with the unnecessary test and that was how he lose this girl, not like she failed, but she no longer has time for excess useless logics, perhaps due to past experience, she left him for good. It's called relationship not a mathematics, chemistry or physics class

As an ISTP, I like it when my partner is a feeler, it feels like there's an important void she's filling.

You first need to understand logic is close to useless in romance, before you could date a feeler successfully. Even with another thinker you'll need lesser logic when it comes to romance, the reduction might not be much, but trust me, you still have to reduce it when in a relationship with another thinker.

I was in a relationship with a feeler for four years, they call us golden pair but the relationship was full of different issues. We ended it at a point and I later met a thinker like myself who we've been together for more than 2 years. Now, I know what it means to have peace, I can't wait for us to walk down the aisle.
I wouldn't trade this peace for any other thing in the world as I will choose a thinker over and over again, any day, any time.
Set yourself free if you're in a relationship that's not working, don't be deceived, you wouldn't know what you're missing until you search and find the right person.
My 2 cents✌️

From personal experience, as a feeler that has been with two thinkers in the past, I will say don't bother venturing into it, don't make your life tougher. It's not worth it.

What if you are willing and ready to work on such relationship but the other person isn't?

It may seem good at the start but it doesn't usually have a happy ending.

Yes they can, there are many of them out there, whether they are genuinely happy is what we can't tell.
However, it's not a good idea as values wouldn't align, our thinking and feeling wiring constitutes our major values. Not just in romantic relationships, even in friendship, within family or in the workplace, the two are prone to clash.

Quote from: Mafy on Sep 18, 2024, 10:49 PMTherapists need more clients, a lawyer wouldn't tell you not to go and cause trouble.

As for psychologists, I assume you are talking about the old researchers that made the research about the matches in relation to personalities. They could think one would help the other in term of weakness and strength. How many people are ready to see their natural way of programming as some sort of weaknesses?

Also, things change you know, and the perspectives in which they see things back then might just be as a result of little details and light research at hand. I was reading this earlier and discovered love languages are now said to be 7 by some researchers and no more 5, even though the added 2 still look like subdivision of the well known 5 to me, I could at least make some sense out of it.

We evolve, life isn't static.

😂😂😂 LMAO @ your first paragraph.

Quote from: Congra on Sep 18, 2024, 10:32 PMBut even psychologists and therapists always recommend thinkers and feelers as perfect matches. Is there anything missing?

Perhaps they think they would complement each other and maybe raise children that would be at equilibrium but errr... it's usually disastrous.

Quote from: Congra on Sep 18, 2024, 10:32 PMBut even psychologists and therapists always recommend thinkers and feelers as perfect match. Is there anything missing?

Therapists need more clients, a lawyer wouldn't tell you not to go and cause trouble.

As for psychologists, I assume you are talking about the old researchers that made the research about the matches in relation to personalities. They could think one would help the other in term of weakness and strength. How many people are ready to see their natural way of programming as some sort of weaknesses?

Also, things change you know, and the perspectives in which they see things back then might just be as a result of little details and light research at hand. I was reading this topic earlier and discovered love languages are now said to be 7 by some researchers and no more 5, even though the added 2 still look like subdivision of the well known 5 to me, I could at least make some sense out of it.

We learn everyday, life isn't static.

But even psychologists and therapists always recommend thinkers and feelers as perfect matches.
Is there anything missing?

Quote from: Carim on Sep 18, 2024, 10:22 PMYes of course, most of our parents that posses difference in logic and emotion without psychological, especially human personality knowledge worked things through.

Most of them managed through, they endured through, they suffered through, they remained unhappy through.
I'm out.

Yes of course, most of our parents that posses difference in logic and emotion without psychological, especially human personality knowledge worked things through.

Nothing works well between me and any thinker I have dated, it always end in disaster.
To me, humanity matters, people matter, peace matters, respect matters and so on.
To them, money matters most, power matters most, authority matters most, status matters most, rudeness matters for some of them.

It ends in tragedy. I have come to the conclusion that anything with "T" isn't for me, and once I observe you are a person of T, I'll run instead of waiting to get hurt.

From my experience as a thinker, it's a lot of work, yes I get drawn to them but it end up with too much work. Although in a relationship with a feeler right now, but if I had to restart, I'll choose a thinker who I wouldn't need to always pet around.

I'm gonna break it down due to what I have observed which is that some thinkers like feelers because of the care they bring to the table which they can't in turn reciprocate.

That care comes from this emotions you can not make sense of, and if you want it, you must nurture it.

Some do not care though, they see the excess care and affection as disturbance and irrational.

What am I trying to say; It will be easier for the first set of thinkers described above to work with a feeler.

But it might be tough for the second set of thinkers described to work with any feeler. In this regard, the feeler will have to take much of the responsibilities of the work involved, and most times it burns them out.

You want to see everything from logical perspective, fine.
But when you do, what matters is that someone gets hurt, it doesn't matter what you think here.
It will be easier for the first set to understand and adjust because they wouldn't want anything that will disturb that affection they're getting, but for the second set, they don't have much to lose. If there's anything, subconsciously, maybe they think the feeler benefits more (note that I said "subconsciously"). So getting along will be difficult.

Don't get me wrong, the work isn't just for one of them, however when the workload becomes much more on one side, the person gets burnt out leading to break up.

Finally, like @Shereefah said, are you ready for the work?
You have to be honest with yourself, especially if it's at a point you are planning to take that relationship into marriage level, whatever you see in a relationship will unfold into multiples when you both get into marriage.

If the two are mature, it's possible but that kind of relationship will need a whole lots of communication, if the thinker is willing to listen, (because we seem aloof most of the time) then no issues.

And not just listen, walk the talk. When I say walk the talk, it should be from both sides.

Yes, but avoid it if you can, 'cause that's going to be the definition of hard work in a marriage or relationship (marriage especially).
I'd suggest you marry a thinker or a feeler like you if you're not ready for what's called 'hard work'.

Many things outside logic wouldn't make a lot of sense to a thinker, and that's how it's going to be when talking about a feeler and feelings.

If the two people are ready to give in all it takes, well...All the the best.

I was wondering if a feeler and a thinker can actually get along well in either romantic relationship or marriage?
Is it possible?