Dbeda Forum

Quote from: Ginarina on Oct 03, 2024, 10:32 PMThere's this big brother that has a standard store in my neighborhood. I patronize him and I'm also a bit friendly to him. I was unemployed for a while, so my savings almost got exhausted in the process, I got another job eventually but despite how I managed, the little savings remaining couldn't save me till the time of my first salary, I got stranded just about a week to receiving salary.
Knowing fully well salary is just around the corner, I went to this big bro in my street to loan just little amount that could cater for my transport for the remaining days.

I have forgotten the amount I requested really but let's say I asked for 250 RUB, the big bro gave me 200 RUB (Just an example). Before giving me the money, he said, "that's not little amount at this time", because what I said was I wanted to borrow a little amount from him.

Well, he handed me 200 RUB and said, 'it's a gift, you don't need to refund it', but I insisted I will definitely refund, I let him know.

After that day, this man will call me at odd hours, very late in the night, 'hello, where are you?', 'ain't you coming out?'.
To do what🤷? We weren't close before the money matter, don't forget, just someone I regard on my street, most times I will be sleeping his call will wake me, gosh! I've got office to go tomorrow morning.

Well, I always told him I was already asleep before he called, I wonder why he wanted to see me in his store by those hours🤷

Immediately my salary got into my account, I went straight to refund him, I didn't meet him, I met his wife but I dropped the cash.

That's the kind of generosity you could expect from a selfish person. They always want something in return, funny how this man thought he could see my underwear because of peanut, so degrading. Ever since, I hardly ask outsiders for help, no matter what.

Shaking my head for him. A married man for that matter.

Quote from: Romilade on Oct 03, 2024, 10:36 PMDid you stop calling immediately after the refund?

Definitely, he stopped. He saw me later and said he has always been wanting to get close to me and he wasn't expecting a refund. All these talk and stress for what amount of money precisely?
Anyway, he cautioned himself afterwards.

Quote from: Ginarina on Oct 03, 2024, 10:35 PMExactly, a gift without sleep, without rest, without peace.

Did you stop calling immediately after the refund?

Quote from: Romilade on Oct 03, 2024, 10:34 PMLol. Gift from the devil

Exactly, a gift without sleep, without rest, without peace.

Quote from: Ginarina on Oct 03, 2024, 10:32 PMThere's this big brother that has a standard store in my neighborhood. I patronize him and I'm also a bit friendly to him. I was unemployed for a while, so my savings almost got exhausted in the process, I got another job eventually but despite how I managed, the little savings remaining couldn't save me till the time of my first salary, I got stranded just about a week to receiving salary.
Knowing fully well salary is just around the corner, I went to this big bro in my street to loan just little amount that could cater for my transport for the remaining days.

I have forgotten the amount I requested really but let's say I asked for 250 RUB, the big bro gave me 200 RUB (Just an example). Before giving me the money, he said, "that's not little amount at this time", because what I said was I wanted to borrow a little amount from him.

Well, he handed me 200 RUB and said, 'it's a gift, you don't need to refund it', but I insisted I will definitely refund, I let him know.

After that day, this man will call me at odd hours, very late in the night, 'hello, where are you?', 'ain't you coming out?'.
To do what🤷? We weren't close before the money matter, don't forget, just someone I regard on my street, most times I will be sleeping his call will wake me, gosh! I've got office to go tomorrow morning.

Well, I always told him I was already asleep before he called, I wonder why he wanted to see me in his store by those hours🤷

Immediately my salary got into my account, I went straight to refund him, I didn't meet him, I met his wife but I dropped the cash.

That's the kind of generosity you could expect from a selfish person. They always want something in return, funny how this man thought he could see my underwear because of peanut, so degrading. Ever since, I hardly ask outsiders for help, no matter what.

Lol. Gift from the devil

There's this big brother that has a standard store in my neighborhood. I patronize him and I'm also a bit friendly to him. I was unemployed for a while, so my savings almost got exhausted in the process, I got another job eventually but despite how I managed, the little savings remaining couldn't save me till the time of my first salary, I got stranded just about a week to receiving salary.
Knowing fully well salary is just around the corner, I went to this big bro in my street to loan just little amount that could cater for my transport for the remaining days.

I have forgotten the amount I requested really but let's say I asked for 250 RUB, the big bro gave me 200 RUB (Just an example). Before giving me the money, he said, "that's not little amount at this time", because what I said was I wanted to borrow a little amount from him.

Well, he handed me 200 RUB and said, 'it's a gift, you don't need to refund it', but I insisted I will definitely refund, I let him know.

After that day, this man will call me at odd hours, very late in the night, 'hello, where are you?', 'ain't you coming out?'.
To do what🤷? We weren't close before the money matter, don't forget, just someone I regard on my street, most times I will be sleeping his call will wake me, gosh! I've got office to go tomorrow morning.

Well, I always told him I was already asleep before he called, I wonder why he wanted to see me in his store by those hours🤷

Immediately my salary got into my account, I went straight to refund him, I didn't meet him, I met his wife but I dropped the cash.

That's the kind of generosity you could expect from a selfish person. They always want something in return, funny how this man thought he could see my underwear because of peanut, so degrading. Ever since, I hardly ask outsiders for help, no matter what.

Quote from: Unknown on Sep 20, 2024, 01:07 AMNot really their fault, we expect others to mirror us, and it's natural, it's wiring. It took me a long time to acknowledge too, what helped me most is the fact that I have selfless people in my immediate family, some other selfish people aren't lucky enough. All their life, it has always been fish eat fish to survive and as such you have yourself to guard. Therefore, acknowledging will be very difficult for people like that.

My economics teacher in high school once said, "loving your neighbor as yourself is different from loving your neighbor more than yourself". This is kind of the way we see it, and this is the theory any selfish person will quote to you.
He proceeded by saying, once you love your neighbor more than yourself, that's Foolishness. Meanwhile, in the real sense, that's "selflessness" not Foolishness.

It is clear enough from the dictionary definition of Selflessness.

Nevertheless, in the real world, are we (the selfish) loving our neighbors as ourselves?

Now, there are three stages to this thing;

1) Don't love your neighbor anywhere close to how you love yourself - Selfishness

2) Love your neighbor as yourself - Balanced, we can call it self-compassion. Some people may call it 'self-love' or self-care', but it's actually self-compassion.

3) Love your neighbor more than yourself - Selflessness.

The most healthy way to live for anyone is the number 2.

Only few people have this natural ability, most people fall between number 1 and 3. In fact, number 1 is the most common.

To all selfless people, always remember to take good care of yourself. Don't let anyone take your Selflessness for Foolishness.

I'm trying to be a better person but it's pretty tough to fight nature.

Yeah, most selfish people do not believe anyone can be truly selfless, except for those who come from home with some selfless folks, I mean having selfless folks as very close family members.
That's why when they suddenly get blessed with a selfless person appearing in their lives, they get shocked and commonly, they take advantage of the person and misuse the opportunity. They take this person's act of selflessness for idiocy or stupidity.
No matter the amount of kindness you show to a selfish person, he/she will only pay you back with negatively, just mark that. That's how they are.
To answer the question @op. It's a capital NO.
A selfish person can not be generous. He can use generousity to cover up at certain periods but he surely needs something in return.

Quote from: Congra on Sep 16, 2024, 11:17 PMBefore I moved to where I'm currently staying, I asked the person I was renting from how electricity bill would be paid.
She told me a certain amount every time the unit finishes, it's a shared apartment and each person will have to contribute once the unit runs down.

I moved in, and after some weeks, the oldest neighbor knocked at my door, I was sick at this time but I tried to listen to her, she told me the exact amount the property owner told me would be paid but this time, "WEEKLY" 😂😂 (instead of when the unit runs down or when it's indicating it's almost finishing so we won't be stranded).

Don't forget I told you I was sick and didn't have strength even to talk, I nodded my head and said ok, just for her to leave on time. (I observed a smile on her face after I said ok without any form of question or argument).
 
Along the line, she asked, are you ok? (noticing I looked weak), and I told her no, I'm ill. She said 'oh sorry'!, she proceeded to ask if I had had any food that day, I told her yes. We ended the discussion and she left.

When I got in, I thought about it for a moment, that means the totality of what I would be spending on electricity would be more than my house rent itself.
That wasn't what I bargained and I don't even know what she was thinking, how she thought I would be able to afford that kind of money still baffles me. I could only be bothered for few moments, I was so ill, so I decided I would talk to her over the phone whenever I get a bit better.

The next day, around evening she knocked at my door again, I opened and she asked again if I had eaten, I told her yes. She said she bought me food as she bought herself a plate, she came with a nylon containing the food.
I smiled at her, appreciated the kind gesture and let her know I was already filled up with food and wouldn't be able to eat or accept the food. Then she left.
Was she being generous?.... I'll leave you to think that through.

The next day, I sent her a voice note explaining to her what my agreement was before I moved in, and I let her know the property owner told me once the unit finishes everyone sees it, it's not something hidden, she replied with... "sorry, ehhn, I was also trying to say the same thing just that you can prepare double the amount you were told by the owner as monthly payment  because we used to be 4 and now we are 3, we pay to the chief security officer of the property and there's a group where they pass information when we are running out of things like that or when any other thing comes up, I would add you to the group...blah blah blah".

I didn't care about anything she said after. I have let her know my initial bargain and that's on period! Although, I was expecting to be added to the group for transparency as she promised. I thanked her once again for the kind gesture (the food she brought a day before) and the conversation ended.

It's almost two months after, she never knocked at my door or contacted me on the phone for anything and she never added me to any group as promised, some things have came up though which I got information directly from the chief security officer but not related to electricity bill.

Now, let's go back to the food matter, with the whole story, did you think that was genuinely an act of generosity or a business deal?

Think it through, but one thing is certain, that's the kind of generous act that comes from selfish people.

I would have said your neighbor could really be close to being generous but the fact that she didn't check up on you after shows otherwise. A sincerely kind and generous person would have, no matter what, even if it's just sending a message so as to avoid any further issues.
I may be wrong nevertheless.

Quote from: Romilade on Sep 20, 2024, 01:12 AMFascinating. As for the teacher, no wonder he took economics as a field of interest.

Lol

Quote from: Unknown on Sep 20, 2024, 01:07 AMNot really their fault, we expect others to mirror us, and it's natural, it's wiring. It took me a long time to acknowledge too, what helped me most is the fact that I have selfless people in my immediate family, some other selfish people aren't lucky enough. All their life, it has always been fish eat fish to survive and as such you have yourself to guard. Therefore, acknowledging will be very difficult for people like that.

My economics teacher in high school once said, "loving your neighbor as yourself is different from loving your neighbor more than yourself". This is kind of the way we see it, and this is the theory any selfish person will quote to you.
He proceeded by saying, once you love your neighbor more than yourself, that's Foolishness. Meanwhile, in the real sense, that's "selflessness" not Foolishness.

It is clear enough from the dictionary definition of Selflessness.

Nevertheless, in the real world, are we (the selfish) loving our neighbor as ourselves?

Now, there are three stages to this thing;

1) Don't love your neighbor anywhere close to how you love yourself - Selfishness

2) Love your neighbor as yourself - Balanced, we can call it self-compassion. Some people may call it 'self-love' or self-care', but it's actually self-compassion.

3) Love your neighbor more than yourself - Selflessness.

The most healthy way to live for anyone is the number 2.

Only few people have this natural ability, most people fall between number 1 and 3. In fact, number 1 is the most common.

To all selfless people, always remember to take good care of yourself. Don't let anyone take your Selflessness for Foolishness.

I'm trying to be a better person but it's pretty tough to fight nature.

Fascinating. As for the teacher, no wonder he took economics as a field of interest.

Quote from: Romilade on Sep 20, 2024, 12:40 AMYour type is rare, I've never seen a selfish person that acknowledges he or she is truly selfish. Even though your identity is hidden, you'll be the first ever!

Not really their fault, we expect others to mirror us, and it's natural, it's wiring. It took me a long time to acknowledge too, what helped me most is the fact that I have selfless people in my immediate family, some other selfish people aren't lucky enough. All their life, it has always been fish eat fish to survive and as such you have yourself to guard. Therefore, acknowledging will be very difficult for people like that.

My economics teacher in high school once said, "loving your neighbor as yourself is different from loving your neighbor more than yourself". This is kind of the way we see it, and this is the theory any selfish person will quote to you.
He proceeded by saying, once you love your neighbor more than yourself, that's Foolishness. Meanwhile, in the real sense, that's "selflessness" not Foolishness.

It is clear enough from the dictionary definition of Selflessness.

Nevertheless, in the real world, are we (the selfish) loving our neighbors as ourselves?

Now, there are three stages to this thing;

1) Don't love your neighbor anywhere close to how you love yourself - Selfishness

2) Love your neighbor as yourself - Balanced, we can call it self-compassion. Some people may call it 'self-love' or self-care', but it's actually self-compassion.

3) Love your neighbor more than yourself - Selflessness.

The most healthy way to live for anyone is the number 2.

Only few people have this natural ability, most people fall between number 1 and 3. In fact, number 1 is the most common.

To all selfless people, always remember to take good care of yourself. Don't let anyone take your Selflessness for Foolishness.

I'm trying to be a better person but it's pretty tough to fight nature.

Quote from: Unknown on Sep 17, 2024, 12:06 AMLet me be unknown for the sake of this thread.

On this topic someone described two personalities as reasonably selfless, only to close people they truly cherish.

Well, as one of those two personalities, I would give you an example of what my generousity look like.

If I like you as a girl and I'm trying to get you to be my girlfriend, you tell me, hey! stop there I have a boyfriend. Alright, case closed.

You come to me after some period and tell me to help you out with some money, what I'll tell you is to go meet your boyfriend, even if I understand people could be broke sometimes, it could happen to me too where I won't be able to provide for my babe. However, at that point if I actually have that money I might decide to take my girlfriend out (if I have one) with the money or send it to her.

Now, to my girlfriend, I'm generous right?
To this other girl, I'm not, maybe even callous, i really do not care.

If I have issues with my same girlfriend and think the issue could make her end the relationship even though we are still on but we've got serious issues to deal with. At this point if she, this same girlfriend of mine come to ask for my help financially, I wouldn't do it, I'll tell her I'm not capable at the moment and I won't act as if I am, except she's smart enough to play along that the issue is resolved before she could even ask. If it's not a monetary thing and won't cost me anything or much, I could at least do it to impress her.

In the real sense, what this means is that looking at it from the real generousity perspective. I'm not generous.

But at face value as someone wrote up there, I could be very generous to those I care about.

Do I care about this method of generosity? I really don't.
On a second thought, maybe to a slight extent and that's why I'm writing this as Unknown.

Your type is rare, I've never seen a selfish person that acknowledges he or she is truly selfish. Even though your identity is hidden, you'll be the first ever!

Quote from: Rocco on Sep 17, 2024, 06:46 AMHis staff might be working 12 hours 6 days a week if you find out, then he pays them 5% above the market related value, and he's here to brag about paying them well. We know their type.

I see no issues with what @Mokalamp said even though it doesn't seem right. Maybe he should have given another example instead of talking about staff salary.
Some selfless people also give as a form of getting something back, might not be that deep though (that's what makes the difference). I know someone that is really generous but I don't like the fact that he expects you to worship him after giving to you or he starts telling people how he helped you. Mind you, this person is sincerely selfless and not stingy, but he always expect praises after giving. Although, he doesn't expect more than that but I think that's not right too. I know it's courtesy to show gratitude after receiving but expecting the person you gave to start using microphone to announce to everyone isn't cool.

Quote from: Hamani on Sep 17, 2024, 06:41 AMYou better stop paying your workers, I think that will be the best thing

His staff might be working 12 hours 6 days a week if you find out, then he pays them 5% above the market related value, and he's here to brag about paying them well. We know their type.

Quote from: Mokalamp on Sep 17, 2024, 06:33 AMWell, i'm generous with money and selfish with my time and resources. People that work for me could testify, I compensate them well. So, I'll say selfish people can be generous in a particular aspect.

You better stop paying your workers, I think that will be the best thing

Quote from: Mokalamp on Sep 17, 2024, 06:33 AMWell, i'm generous with money and selfish with my time and resources. People that work for me could testify, I compensate them well. So, I'll say selfish people can be generous in a particular aspect.

By their fruit you shall know them, you are only doing the right thing, you are not doing anyone a favour by paying for their sweat.
I'm sure no amount of compensation could match with the level of work they do for you.
It is clear from your handwriting that you're not in anyway generous.

Well, i'm generous with money and selfish with my time and resources. People that work for me could testify, I compensate them well. So, I'll say selfish people can be generous in a particular aspect.

No, they are takers not givers and they are the ones that don't lack. Givers lack in reality because most givers do not know how to ask.
Whereas asking is a natural skill for takers, even if they don't ask, they find their way to manipulate you into giving them. Only few of them don't care if they can't take from you but don't expect them to give to you either. Any good deed from a selfish person is to get something in return, they are not just "good for nothing".
Conclusion: you can't be selfish and be generous.

Quote from: Biu on Sep 17, 2024, 03:08 AM😲You have to go through all these calculations in your head just because you want to give?🤦

That's where the point is, it happens subconsciously, not something we are conscious of. It's innate.

Quote from: Unknown on Sep 17, 2024, 12:06 AMLet me be unknown for the sake of this thread.

On this topic someone described two personalities as reasonably selfless, only to close people they truly cherish.

Well, as one of those two personalities, I would give you an example of what my generousity look like.

If I like you as a girl and I'm trying to get you to be my girlfriend, you tell me, hey! stop there I have a boyfriend. Alright, case closed.

You come to me after some period and tell me to help you out with some money, what I'll tell you is to go meet your boyfriend, even if I understand people could be broke sometimes, it could happen to me too where I won't be able to provide for my babe. However, at that point if I actually have that money I might decide to take my girlfriend out (if I have one) with the money or send it to her.

Now, to my girlfriend, I'm generous right?
To this other girl, I'm not, maybe even callous, i really do not care.

If I have issues with my same girlfriend and think the issue could make her end the relationship even though we are still on but we've got serious issues to deal with. At this point if she, this same girlfriend of mine come to ask for my help financially, I wouldn't do it, I'll tell her I'm not capable at the moment and I won't act as if I am, except she's smart enough to play along that the issue is resolved before she could even ask. If it's not a monetary thing and won't cost me anything or much, I could at least do it to impress her.

In the real sense, what this means is that looking at it from the real generousity perspective. I'm not generous.

But at face value as someone wrote up there, I could be very generous to those I care about.

Do I care about this method of generosity? I really don't.
On a second thought, maybe to a slight extent and that's why I'm writing this as Unknown.

😲You have to go through all these calculations in your head just because you want to give?🤦