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[Bigowl]

When you are told you have a shut down and defensive personality, what's the meaning?
Plus is it something bad?

[Kemkem]

Emotional shut down is the point at which you disengage or take a mental break during extreme situations.
As far as some might be concerned, when the mind is exhausted by anxiety or stress, they unconsciously disassociate from the ongoing issue to safeguard their emotional or mental health.

It isn't a bad thing as many people paint it, even most therapists paint it the same way but what they are yet to understand is, it is better to press down a bit than saying or doing things that could jeopardize that particular relationship, be it with a spouse, a colleague, a sibling, a stranger or any other person.

The way you handle it is what matters, do you just need a break? It's ok to take a break than saying what you might regret forever.
In the process of taking the break however, do not react negatively to the other person.
In case you feel so much offended, let them know why.

[Laviniah]

Just ask the person why he or she has a  'Amp up and demanding,' personality as well. Most people who give this title and diagnosis are actually the problem not the person shutting down, shutting down is polite if not done in an extreme way.

[Lovemarina]

It's a defense mechanism but could hurt the other person especially when it becomes stonewalling or displaying lack of responsiveness. Are you always trying to avoid a constructive criticism or argument this way?
That could be a problem

[Manualor]

It is called emotional numbness, just as the name implies you go numb in the middle of serious issues.
When someone is talking to you about an important matter then you suddenly go numb, how good is that?

[SweetNamida]

Talking heart to heart and reaching a good state of mind for both people is better than shutting down of course

[Congra]

Now, there are three major ways to this thing, or let's say three major ways to disagree.
1) Fight
2) Flight
3) Freeze (also known as shutting down)

I wonder why people are always particular about the third and act as if the other two aren't important.

Contrary to popular opinion, the first two (fight and flight) could destroy things to the worst extent more than the last if done negatively.

Many people that complain about the last are fighters. Now, when you fight in the sense of facing your fear or reaching a compromise so as to get a win-win conclusion, that's not a bad thing, but you know what? A lot of people misuse this and it leads to  either 2 or 3 as a response from their partner.

Majorly, negative fighters who want to win over every single thing including when they are wrong are the cause of their partner turning to either Flight or Freeze mode.

When you have a partner that freezes, thank your stars, this could be ammended with love because they turn to that phase so as not to meet you with your negative fight or so as not to enter the flight mode. Genuinely ask yourself, how many fighters that are exactly like you have you had a successful relationship with?

People like this (Freezers) are the cutest but a lot of folks out there including therapist interprets it otherwise, all they need is just reassurance that they can always trust you and lean on you, boom! they're back to who they were.
Freezers care and most time do not want things to escalate or go bad that's why they shut down.

But those that turn it to serious stonewalling are also involved in the negative side of freezing and that's when it becomes bad.

[Shereefah]

Majorly, negative fighters who want to win over every single thing including when they are wrong are the cause of their partner turning to either Flight or Freeze mode.

When you have a partner that freezes, thank your stars, this could be ammended with love because they turn to that face so as not to meet you with your negative fight or so as not to enter the flight mode. Genuinely ask yourself, how many fighters that are exactly like you have you had a successful relationship with?

People like this (Freezers) are the cutest but a lot of folks out there including therapist interpreats it otherwise, all they need is just reassurance that they can always trust you and lean on you, boom! they're back to who they are.
Freezers care and most time do not want things to escalate or go bad that's why they shut down.

But those that turn it to serious stonewalling are also involved in the negative side of freeze and that's when it becomes bad.

@Bolded. And those who only see things from their own perspectives alone, wouldn't bother to consider the other person's perspective and wouldn't think of how the matter affects or could affect the other person.

[Manualor]

@Congra and @Shereefah, but aren't they supposed to be making their intents known? some freezers dont talk or bother explaining to the level of comprehension. I'm with a partner like that and I know what I'm talking about.

[Congra]

@Congra and @Shereefah, but aren't they supposed to be making their intents known? some freezers dont talk or bother explaining to the level of comprehension. I'm with a partner like that and I know what I'm talking about.

Are you truly interested in listening to them?
The last time they talked what was the outcome, did it help in anyway?
When they explain and when they don't, does it change anything even if it's just the way you interact with them?
You need to show them you can also listen to them as much as they listen to you?
See, some of them love intensely in the way that you don't even need to talk before they understand your own needs but when it gets to their turn what happens?
Would you have preferred fight for fight that could lead to destruction or fight to flight that could lead to disappearance?
You only need to let them know you care, not just by words also by actions and that's all.

The funny thing is most of them can also fight or fly (flight) but they understand you don't quench fire with fire.
How are you tabling the issue, same way they table and you enjoy it?
Ask yourself.

[Bigowl]

Now, there are three major ways to this thing, or let's say three major ways to disagree.
1) Fight
2) Flight
3) Freeze (also known as shutting down)

I wonder why people are always particular about the third and act as if the other two aren't important.

Contrary to popular opinion, the first two (fight and flight) could destroy things to the worst extent more than the last if done negatively.

Many people that complain about the last are fighters. Now, when you fight in the sense of facing your fear or reaching a compromise so as to get a win-win conclusion, that's not a bad thing, but you know what? A lot of people misuse this and it leads to  either 2 or 3 as a response from their partner.

Majorly, negative fighters who want to win over every single thing including when they are wrong are the cause of their partner turning to either Flight or Freeze mode.

When you have a partner that freezes, thank your stars, this could be ammended with love because they turn to that phase so as not to meet you with your negative fight or so as not to enter the flight mode. Genuinely ask yourself, how many fighters that are exactly like you have you had a successful relationship with?

People like this (Freezers) are the cutest but a lot of folks out there including therapist interprets it otherwise, all they need is just reassurance that they can always trust you and lean on you, boom! they're back to who they were.
Freezers care and most time do not want things to escalate or go bad that's why they shut down.

But those that turn it to serious stonewalling are also involved in the negative side of freezing and that's when it becomes bad.

Great. You forgot to explain what the flight is all about please.

[Congra]

Great. You forgot to explain what the flight is all about please.

It's just to give up and disappear, that's why you see some people disappearing from their marriages, this could happen because they feel pressured.

[Fadanana]

I've realized over time that a lot of people that zone out do it with good motive, not wanting argument that could lead to something else and not wanting discussion to lead to fight.
However, the other party consciously or unconsciously sometimes fear pent-up, pent-up could lead to flight (flying away).

[Kemkem]

I've realized over time that a lot of people that zone out do it with good motive, not wanting argument that could lead to something else and not wanting discussion to lead to fight.
However, the other party consciously or unconsciously sometimes fear pent-up, pent-up can lead to flight (flying away).

It is unnecessary pressure, continuous unreasonable fight that leads to flight. I understand there could be very unhealthy shut downs from unhealthy individuals but healthy people that shut down hardly pent-up except it's worth it, and if you can reassure them by showing them you care for them just as they care for you, the shut down instantly gets over but most people are too selfish to care.

[Quinmirah]

All of us can't be the same, it's just some people's way of responding to stress, if they meet someone who understands them, it's not going to be a problem.

[Fuendtofuend]

A lot of people misuse this and it leads to  either 2 or 3 as a response from their partner.

Majorly, negative fighters who want to win over every single thing including when they are wrong are the cause of their partner turning to either Flight or Freeze mode.

When you have a partner that freezes, thank your stars, this could be ammended with love because they turn to that phase so as not to meet you with your negative fight or so as not to enter the flight mode. Genuinely ask yourself, how many fighters that are exactly like you have you had a successful relationship with?

People like this (Freezers) are the cutest but a lot of folks out there including therapist interprets it otherwise, all they need is just reassurance that they can always trust you and lean on you, boom! they're back to who they were.
Freezers care and most time do not want things to escalate or go bad that's why they shut down.

But those that turn it to serious stonewalling are also involved in the negative side of freezing and that's when it becomes bad.

That's exactly what Amp up and Demand that someone talked about up there is all about. They're the negative fighters.

[Fuendtofuend]

Great. You forgot to explain what the flight is all about please.

It means to leave.

[Fuendtofuend]

It is unnecessary pressure, continuous unreasonable fight that leads to flight. I understand there could be very unhealthy shut downs from unhealthy individuals but healthy people that shut down hardly pent-up except it's worth it, and if you can reassure them by showing them you care for them just as they care for you, the shut down instantly gets over but most people are too selfish to care.

Again, this is common with those that Amp up and demand, they create unnecessary pressure on others, when someone needs to take a break to cool off instead of them to outburst, let them have it. It has little to do with you and more to do with their mental health and keeping the relationship.

[Wattef]

When you are told you have a shut down and defensive personality, what's the meaning?
Plus is it something bad?

It means you are not too good in communicating your emotions, especially the bad ones, you care about things not getting out of hands and they use it against you by tagging it shut down and defensive. Although there could be unhealthy way to it, when you do it purposely to hurt others.

[Mrandrew]

It means they're too selfish to consider the root cause of the shut down, and to see their own wrong pattern, people don't just shut down and if you give them the space they need, their energy get restored and they often come back to talk about it if they deem it fit. I'm not talking about ghosting or complete avoidance, that's toxic.
I'm not someone that shuts down just talking from experience I have with those that do, it's nothing, we all can not be the same, the person saying this expects you to be like them but when we try and see things from other people's perspective like Shereefah said, life gets better.
Take for instance, when there's additional downpour on a flood, what happens? That's why we are different, the world would have been a war zone.