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[Congra]

I created this thread a day or two ago. As I was reading the comments, I saw a comment by @Biu, saying being selfish or being selfless has more to do with upbringing or nurture than nature. It was not a claim as he also said "he might be wrong", but come to think of it, are qualities like generousity, selflessness, stinginess or selfishness acquired or inborn?

Let's talk about it...

[Watercard]

Nature? Yes
Nurture? No

No matter how you are trained those qualities are sticked to you from birth, even from being a fetus as you are gradually developing in your mother.

I have seen parents who are selfish and their child is selfless and also the other way round. So I believe it's a thing of nature

[Goodygoody]

It's natural, in my family for instance both parents are generous and it doesn't stop 2 among us to be so stingy, we are five. These two get along so well while I personally can't comprehend reasons behind their actions.

[Ruthk]

I believe it's nature but nurture can contribute. Look at it from this angle, you have a friend who you have always been giving to but whenever you ask for his help, he usually give excuses, even though you know he is capable. It would get to a point where you will realise he might be taking advantage of you, hence withdraw from him or stop giving as well.

Your friend's action has influenced you, even though it might be only towards him but you've been influenced to a certain level, especially if you do not leave the friendship but just start behaving like him in this regard.

Look at it from a family perspective, when you are in a family circle that operates this way, what happens?

It would become a thing of nurture when you absorb that act from the family and take it outside.

[Wolipop]

Nurture : As an infant, if all your needs are met you begin to develop certainty and from there, you only see this path as a clear one to follow.
When you have parents or guardians that put your needs close to their heart, you also tend to try and put the needs of others close to your heart, you are concerned about people, because you seem to have seen that this is the right path to follow. Likewise if the opposite is the case, you behave that way too.

[SweetNamida]

Certainly Nature, but there are things you have to teach children. Among those things, we have "give and take". Life is all about give and take, it is not about only "take and take" or about only "give and give".
You should teach children how to balance it. Whether you notice they are giving or caring too much that could later affect them negatively or you notice they only care about themselves.

[Yace]

There's a food vendor I follow on Instagram, few weeks ago, she posted a scenario where she was going out and her 1 year old wasn't bothered.
She says he's very use to that, unlike most children that cry when their moms are stepping out, it doesn't bother him.
I'm talking about "one year old".

If you can't truly feel connections, you are "most likely" going to be concerned only about yourself.
Some children could grow up believing every other person would take care of themselves and be okay no matter the situation and what they should only be concerned about is just themselves, not only this, they could believe that that's exactly how it is in every other person's mind and head. "Just watch out for yourself"(selfishness). Reason some selfish people act as if they do not know the meaning of the English word "selfish".

How can parents come in in this regard?
Start lecturing your children the importance of emotions and other attributes that only emotion can bring in, let them see reasons why it's important. It doesn't mean it would change who they are, but it can have impact on them (this is where nurture comes in).

You see, most of these attributes are shaped with either emotion or logic. You could either be naturally emotional or logical, it's inborn and not acquired. In these manner, you can as well be totally different from your biological parents, this isn't a case of genotype.

I'm happy we've started discussing about human psychological personalities on this forum without mincing words, unlike some other platforms and I hope it continues like that.

As I was saying, these attributes are inborn. However, environmental and societal factors can have an impact on them. There's a certain country in Asia, if you have related with the people of the country in any way you know how stingy they are (I won't mention name), but almost all of them are this way to some extent, even the rich ones amongst them.

If you ask me, I would say bad governance over the years has made these people who they are today, some people say it's their culture but I personally would argue that. They had and have to learn hardly to manage their resources effectively as a result of bad governance which in turn has birthed stinginess in the whole nation.

To answer that question, I would say, it's a thing of nature but nurture can have "slight" effect on it.

[Ruthk]

There's a certain country in Asia, if you have related with the people of the country in any way you know how stingy they are (I won't mention name), but almost all of them are this way to some extent, even the rich ones amongst them.

If you ask me, I would say bad governance over the years has made these people who they are today, some people say it's their culture but I personally would argue that. They had and have to learn hardly to manage their resources effectively as a result of bad governance which in turn has birthed stinginess in the whole nation.

To answer that question, I would say, it's a thing of nature but nurture can have "slight" effect on it.

If you are talking about Indians because I have worked with them in the past and know how they are, remember they aren't the only people with bad governance, there are many other countries with bad leadership and the whole nation isn't stingy because of that.

[Rocco]

If you are talking about Indians because I have worked with them in the past and know how they are, remember they aren't the only people with bad governance, there are many other countries with bad leadership and the whole nation isn't stingy because of that.

Lol, he didn't mention name, but @Yace isn't far from the truth, I met an old colleague in her present colleague's car few months ago almost at the front of the company where I work. They were going home and she asked if I would like to join them, I said yes, only for the car owner (her colleague) to say the fare I would pay had to be almost double the amount I would pay in a public transport, as in, the price she told me was inflated. I said no, I wouldn't be able to join them, went for a public transport instead. I wouldn't have given a fvck if I wasn't trying to economise as well because of the comfort, not walking to the bus stop, and probably sitting inside the AC, if she turned it on though, someone like that might not.

Few years ago in my country (Nigeria), even just about two to three years ago, no car owner would be proud to give you a ride and collect payment, it would be more or less a slap on their face.

They would give you the ride for free, but since the present president Tinubu started ruling and fuel price jumped from almost 200 Naira per litre to more than 1000 Naira, the whole economy is now upside down, making people becoming frugal, stingy, selfish, more selfish or self -centered.

Even though it's natural, environment can greatly influence.

[Ruthk]

Lol, he didn't mention name, but @Yace isn't far from the truth, I met an old colleague in her present colleague's car few months ago almost at the front of the company where I work. They were going home and she asked if I would like to join them, I said yes, only for the car owner (her colleague) to say the fare I would pay had to be almost double the amount I would pay in a public transport, as in, the price she told me was inflated. I said no, I wouldn't be able to join them, went for a public transport instead. I wouldn't have giving a fvck as well if I was trying to economise as well because of the comfort, not walking to the bus stop, and probably sitting inside the AC, if she turned it on though, someone like that might not.

Few years ago in my country (Nigeria), even just about two to three years ago, no car owner would be proud to give you a ride and collect payment, it would be more or less a slap on their face.

They will give you the ride for free, but since the present president Tinubu started ruling and fuel price move from almost 200 Naira per litre to more than 1000 Naira, the whole economy is now upside down, making people becoming frugal, stingy, selfish, more selfish or self -centered.

Even though it's natural, environment can greatly influence.

This seems to hit you hard, you seem so serious today writing a post since I know you on this forum.
Sorry about the bad economy.

[Rocco]

This seems to hit you hard, you seem so serious today writing a post since I know you on this forum.
Sorry about the bad economy.

Thank you

[Urguy]

Certainly Nature, but there are things you have to teach children. Among those things, we have "give and take". Life is all about give and take, it is not about only "take and take" or about only "give and give".
You should teach children how to balance it. Whether you notice they are giving or caring too much that could later affect them negatively or you notice they only care about themselves.

This is called self-care, I agree, it's teachable and it's the balance between selfishness and selflessness.

[Urguy]

Nurture : As an infant, if all your needs are met you begin to develop certainty and from there, you only see this path as a clear one to follow.
When you have parents or guardians that put your needs close to their heart, you also tend to try and put the needs of others close to your heart, you are concerned about people, because you seem to have seen that this is the right path to follow. Likewise if the opposite is the case, you behave that way too.

Hmmm, I like this analysis and it's related to some aspects of sociology but if it's not in you, it's just not. Some children dislike their parent for being selfish and will never be like that parent while some selfish children take advantage of their selfless parents, I have seen many cases. Children hardly follow parents' path in this situation except it's naturally in them.