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[Ruthk]

Me and this guy have been friends for some time, but I noticed he suddenly becomes cold and distant as soon as we started dating.
Why do some guys do that? This is someone who initiates conversation when we were just friends, now it's another thing, he wouldn't pick calls or reply messages on time, always claiming he's busy and doesn't even bother to return the call most of the time, he doesn't care to check up on me.
The only time he comfortably talk to me is when he needs me and want us to see, occasionally.
I'm already thinking of quitting the so called relationship but I would just like to know if there's anyone here with this kind of experience.

[Biu]

Me and this guy have been friends for some time, but I noticed he suddenly becomes cold and distant as soon as we started dating.
Why do some guys do that? This is someone who initiates conversation when we were just friends, now it's another thing, he wouldn't pick calls or reply messages on time, always claiming he's busy and doesn't even bother to return the call most of the time.
The only time he comfortably talk to me is when he needs me and want us to see, occasionally.
I'm already thinking of quitting the so called relationship but I would just like to know if there's anyone here with this kind of experience.

You better do the bolded because it seems you are dating yourself.

[Ticam]

Are you sure the guy isn't married and just lying and pretending to you? 'cause what on earth is this?🤷 He might as well be cheating.

[Ruthk]

You better do the bolded because it seems you are dating yourself.

Thanks Biu

[Ruthk]

Are you sure the guy isn't married and just lying and pretending to you? 'cause what on earth is this?🤷 He might as well be cheating.

Cheating? I doubt
Married? Lol, hell NO, this is someone I know so well, before we even started the relationship.

[Mafy]

Sounds like he is an emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable person. It's not only a man's thing, ladies can also be like this. If you can't cope, leave now please, the earlier the better.

[Urguy]

Have you spoken to him about it? He might truly be busy, just try and talk to him. Let him know you are a person of affection, and see how that goes.

[Ruthk]

Have you spoken to him about it? He might truly be busy, just try and talk to him. Let him know you are a person of affection, and see how that goes.

He's not available to talk to. With the explanation I made above. How will I communicate with someone who doesn't want to make time? He just turn out so weird, I think Mafy is right about the emotionally unavailability.
He only talks to me when he want us to see, and I'm not ready to make myself available for that as well.

[Congra]

Well, you see, there are two types of people. The logical and the emotional, romance is majorly for emotional people, logical people aren't really interested in it, even from our movie preferences, you can deduce. Action movies typically interests logical people while romantic movie is for emotional people.
They are wired as problem solvers not for romance, it's not really their fault but what nature throws at them. I would have suspected him being a Narcissist but you really do not have any form of mixed signal from you you wrote up there, although he seems to posses certain narc tendencies, that doesn't make him one.

The personalities of both of you are very different (I'm sure you would be a feeler, and he would be a thinker if you both run MBTI personality test today), so no need to force things, find an emotional person like yourself and wish him well in the pursuit of his logical type, that's it.
I wish you both the best

[Shereefah]

Well, you see, there are two types of people. The logical and the emotional, romance is majorly for emotional people, logical people aren't really interested in it, even from our movie preferences, you can deduce. Action movies typically interests logical people while romantic movie is for emotional people.
They are wired as problem solvers not for romance, it's not really their fault but what nature throwa at them.

The personalities of both of you are very different (I'm sure you would be a feeler, and he would be a thinker if you both run MBTI personality test today), so no need to force things, find an emotional person like yourself and wish him well in the pursuit of his logical type, that's it.
I wish you both the best

Exactly what came to my mind immediately I read the post. Just a clash of personality, in his head, he might not get why you need so much attention too @Ruthk.
I think we need to talk more about personality typing when it comes to relationships.

[Ruthk]

@Shereefah and @Congra, are you guys saying some people are naturally like that?

[Congra]

@Shereefah and @Congra, are you guys saying some people are naturally like that?

Yes, read about personality types, MBTI to be specific.

[Ruthk]

Yes, read about personality types, MBTI to be specific.

Amazing 😲

[Rocco]

@Ruthk, this means the other day when you said someone broke my heart, you were indirectly telling me what you are going through.
Sorry baby😥

Don't mind me, you know I can make a joke out of the most serious matter. It's just to try and put a smile on your face.

For real though, this is what it means to be in a relationship and still be single, if you make mistake and marry that kind of person, you'll be the father, mother, husband, therapist and wife all together.
You better read this topic to see that loneliness is not really when you're single but when you're with the wrong person. Seems he has a problem and he needs a psychologist not you. Nobody is ever too busy for their loved ones, if he loves you, he will make time for you.

Run!!! That's what I have to tell you

[Ruthk]

@Ruthk, this means the other day when you said someone broke my heart, you were indirectly telling me what you are going through.
Sorry baby😥

Don't mind me, you know I can make a joke out of the most serious matter. It's just to try and put a smile on your face.

For real though, this is what it means to be in a relationship and still be single, if you make mistake and marry that kind of person, you'll be the father, mother, husband, therapist and wife all together.
You better read this topic to see that loneliness is not really when you're single but when you're with the wrong person. Seems he has a problem and he needs a psychologist not you. Nobody is ever too busy for their loved ones, if he loves you, he will make time for you.

Run!!! That's what I have to tell you

Lol...@ your first paragraph, thanks for the advice.

[Mafy]

Seems he has a problem and he needs a psychologist not you. Nobody is ever too busy for their loved ones, if he loves you, he will make time for you.

Run!!! That's what I have to tell you

He might be normal, may not need the help of a therapist. Some people are naturally built that way, not all cases of emotionally distant persons need the help of a therapist, some may be distant but not really unavailable, like if you need to talk to them for important things just let them know and make it straight, then they will make themselves accessible, but this all the time lovey-dovey thing can't just work for them. Maybe we just put it as @Congra said, romance isn't typically their thing.

For example, I have seen couple that say they like the fact that they spend most of their times apart and come back together once in a while to love and cuddle up, they live separately and the method works for them.
He may just need to find his type that would understand him while @Ruthk does the same, some people would tell you it's just human differences and can be worked on but I don't believe it. If she eventually decides they would both work on it, it would be exhausting and might turn to disaster at the end.

[Ticam]

For example, I have seen couple that say they like the fact that they spend most of their times apart and come back together once in a while to love and cuddle up, they live separately and the method works for them.

Are you sure the two of them aren't cheating?
Why would couple choose to live a separate life and claim they both enjoy it?
I think some things are going on in their private lives that they cover up and like.

[Mafy]

Are you sure the two of them aren't cheating?
Why would couple choose to live a separate life and claim they both enjoy it?
I think some things are going on in their private lives that they cover up and like.

Lol. Is this the only thing you can think of? Cheating?

Not everyone who lives like that have a skeleton in their cupboard. Take it or leave it...Some people are just wired in such a way that they enjoy their own space so so much.

[Tareksy]

For example, I have seen couple that say they like the fact that they spend most of their times apart and come back together once in a while to love and cuddle up, they live separately and the method works for them.
He may just need to find his type that would understand him while @Ruthk does the same, some people would tell you it's just human differences and can be worked on but I don't believe it. If she eventually decides they would both work on it, it would be exhausting and might turn to disaster at the end.

If we want to go with what marriage or love-relationship really means, I'd say those couple you described up there aren't in a marriage or relationship, they are in a situationship instead. Maybe we should say they're not capable of keeping a relationship.
Whatever floats their boat, since they're happy that way, I'm glad for them.